Although most of you have been following the A- Rig stories, I have been tuned in to another much smaller story that seems to be falling under the radar. No, it's not the off-track betting in the Himalayas story that Irwin M. Fletcher is covering....it's the recent 5 bans that the CAAOASASAOSA (Catfish Anglers Association of Argentinian Societies and South Americans of South America) has been implementing. They actually banned 5 methods of catching catfish in South America and it has caused an enormous stir in the tabloids from the Panama Canal south to the South Pole. The highlighted newly defined rule declaration has been expressed in the terms: "one broomstick, one wench and one cheese or meatball with no shimmy." Here are the five bans on catfish catching methods, you make a choice on what you think. Keep in mind, other live bait tactics are still allowed while fishing for the elusive catfish. CEO, Press Secretary, President, GM, and CFO ...oh and also and Galactic Prime Minister and Czar of the CAAOASASAOSA, oops and also host of the show "Call of the Wildman" on Animal Planet, Mr. Turtle Man says, "Implicating these new rules and regulations have set the precedent for the rest of the catfish harvesting industry here in South America, and I stand by them with all 4 members supporting every move I make". Here is a summary of the banned rules:
- Polish Sausage Umbrella Rigs - Multiple Kielbasas on a clothes hanger launched into the abyss will no longer be allowed. The grease emitted from the sausage, although it has been used proactively to make synthetic engine oil, has caused water pollution. Also, indigestion issues have been prevalent in catfish samples in several Harvard catfish case studies. Too many meats breaks the rule!
- Drumstick or Chicken/Turkey Leg Dropshot Rig - Because of the teardrop shape (similar to a lead or tungsten teardrop dropshot weight) of a a chicken/turkey leg and/or drumstick, they have often been used as a weighting system on a catfish dropshot rig. Mortality rates have been high in catfish consuming these bones accidentally without any warning labels on them. Further studies are currently in progress but this is in direct violation of the rule, one cheese or meatball, because an additional suspended cheese ball must be placed above the drumstick in order for the rig to work properly.
- Chicken Skin Cheesecake - The commonly used combination of cheesecake wrapped in raw chicken skin(like a pig in a blanket) is no longer allowed. Several cases of salmonella poisoning have been tracked back and detected in humans that recently rigged the contagious apparatus. Also, it is combining both meat and cheese.....a combination which is no longer allowed.
- Wacky Rigged Slim Jim - This has proven to be the ultimate do-nothing rig and is detrimental to catfish populations. Just cast it out there and it has a natural "shimmy" that catfish cannot resist causing them to swallow it in one gulp therefore hooking them deep, and causing an increase in mortality rates. No shimmy allowed!
- Blooming Onion Jig - Because of the similar look of a fried blooming onion to a skirted jig, catfish anglers have often utilized it with a cheese chunk trailer, or often a pork skin double tail flapper for years now....all of which are no longer allowed. All four members say, "The deep fried nature of the blooming onion and pulsing action of the onion slices has proven to be entirely too tantalizing for catfish to handle." It has also caused psychological disturbances and an increased rate of admissions into catfish psych wards. Harvard studies have also detected several catfish whisker injuries when samples tried to swallow the entire blooming onion in one gulp. This breaks the "one cheese or one meatball" rule as well.
Please express your opinion and either save our whiskered friends south of the Canal, or witness their demise from these horrific methods that have been developed in mad labs in South America!.......oh and sorry for the fake news, I just have to do this sort of thing once in a while, I promise the next blog will be serious....-dw